Dear Jordan,
I’m a 24 year old woman, I work out every day, but I can’t get rid of the cellulite on my thighs. I’ve tried creams and pills, I’ve even lost 10 extra pounds so that I’m just at my ideal body weight (I’m 5’4” and 115 pounds). The cellulite won’t go away and it is hideous! The worst part is that I can’t stand to have sex with the lights on, or in the daytime. And I definitely won’t let my boyfriend take me from behind or even see me without my pants on. It’s really starting to get on his nerves, and I think that he’s going to break up with me if I don’t stop obsessing about it.
Help!
Cottage Cheese
Dear CC,
In my experience with women, no matter how incredibly gorgeous a woman appears, she usually has one hang-up or another about her body. She’ll complain that her boobs are too small/droopy/big, she needs to lose 10 pounds to fit in her skinny jeans, she’s got a little pooch in her belly, her thighs are too big, her butt is too flat, her hair is too thin/curly/thick, her nose is too pronounced, her lips aren’t pouty enough etc etc etc. The list of complaints we women lay upon ourselves is extensive and heartbreaking. And like you said, the worst part is that it interferes with our sex lives and our ability to completely enjoy the bodies we are in.
Let me tell you a story. This year I’ve gained an annoying 10 pounds, the weight gain seemed to miraculously coincide with my 30th birthday. I started whining about it to my friends, and each of them, who have also recently turned 30, agreed that somehow with the turning of a new decade our bodies are changing and not in particularly delightful ways. Now since I am constantly counseling women to embrace their bodies I started feeling like a hypocrite with my own personal growing list of complaints. So I knew it had to stop and that I had to either “get on it or get off it”.
You my darling, petite and young friend have already spent a lot of time trying to remedy the cellulite with creams and pills and exercise; your version of “getting on it.” Now that you know that your cellulite is probably going to be a permanent part of your body (alas it is a genetic predisposition), you’re really going to have to work hard at changing your body image rather than changing your body.
Body image is simply the way your mind perceives your body. A woman can be absolutely drop dead gorgeous, but look in the mirror and perceive herself as being ugly and imperfect. Conversely a woman can look in the mirror and quickly airbrush over her imperfections with confidence and acceptance. I prefer to act as the latter. By society’s (especially the media’s) standards I am most certainly much too fat, my hair is much too red, my skin too pale, and oh my goodness look at all those freckles! My thighs are too thick, my butt too bouncy, and my boobs too droopy. But darn it all! When I get naked and look at my body in the mirror I love it. I used to reject my breasts and thighs, but now I make an active practice of looking at them and remarking at my beautiful curves, strong legs, and pretty nipples. I really can’t change those things, so “I’m getting off it” As for the 10 pounds I put on, well I’m working extra hard to take it off simply so I don’t have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. So in that sense I’m “getting on it.”
I attended a lecture by the author Naomi Wolfe, who really put perspective on what our culture’s standards of beauty have become and why. She blames our body dysmorphia on the pervasive and invasive marketing efforts of the beauty, plastic surgery, and diet industries. If these industries set goals for us that we women can never realistically reach, then we will continue to purchase products in the desperate hope of achieving these ridiculous goals. That’s why we spend millions of dollars each year on diet pills, cellulite cream, boob jobs, botox etc, etc, etc. We are trying to reach an unattainable standard of beauty that is as mythological as a unicorn. Even the women we see in magazines and the movies aren’t real, their extra curves, moles and freckles are photo-shopped away; their boobs are taped up inside their dresses and bikinis. I remember a comment by supermodel Tyra Banks who admitted that sometimes magazines would photo-shop her booty down to a smaller, less pronounced shape.
I like to say that confidence is like an airbrush it makes all of our imperfections just disappear. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who can walk with her head held high and who authentically feels good in the skin she’s in.
Let go of your cellulite and your inhibitions. You’ll open up an incredible doorway to great sex, multiple orgasms, and most importantly confidence inside the bedroom and out.
It is truly our imperfections that make us perfect, beautiful and unique women.
Love,
Jordan
Originally published January 2008: Expectant