Dear Aunt Chelsea,
How do you feel about cyber sex? I feel it is a significant alternative for singles; however, what about for somebody who is married? Is it OK to "do" him or her?
Zara
Dear Zara,
First of all, let’s define cyber sex. Any time you "meet" another person on the Internet (in a chat room, for example, or through instant messaging) and exchange sexual words, thoughts, feelings, fantasies, and images with the intention of arousing, and being aroused by, that other person, you are engaging in a cyber sex relationship. It involves give-and-take communication; in that sense, it is different from looking at Internet porn or reading erotica.
I agree that cyber sex can be a good sexual outlet for single people. However, cyber sex can become too much of a good thing if it keeps you from meeting a potential sex/relationship partner in real life.
Cyber sex for married people can be a good thing, too. It can add excitement to a long-term relationship. The key is for both spouses to agree on it and to participate openly. If you find yourself slamming your laptop closed every time your significant other walks into the room, you have a relationship problem. In any committed relationship, both partners have to be able to communicate honestly, even about their most intimate sexual thoughts and fantasies. Both partners must be able to trust one another.
Now let’s assume that you are single, but you want to participate in a cyber sex relationship with someone who is married. Is the other person a friend, someone you know in real life? If so, the decision to engage in a cyber sex relationship should be three-way: between you, your friend, and that friend’s partner. It should be open and agreed upon by all. Otherwise, consider it taboo. If, on the other hand, this is an anonymous relationship with some stranger out there in cyberspace, you are not responsible for the other person’s decisions.
Remember, we can’t always be sure that our cyber friends will stay cyber, so be careful not to give out any personal information if you want to remain anonymous. And, if you think you may have a problem with cyber sex addiction, you can go to http://no-porn.com for information and help.
Thank you,
Your Aunt Chelsea