This whole writing thing started with my friend, Lonnie, mentioning that she had just had a lousy sex experience. I started asking all my acquaintances whether they had ever had such an encounter and managed to bang together an article about it. Then, finding that it was fun prying into their sexual lives, I decided to take a more scientific (well, not scientific, let's just say a more professional) approach by making up questionnaires and taping all the interviews of the men and women with whom I spoke.
Those interviews led to my writing six articles regarding the sexual antics, preferences and history of my acquaintances. The second article I wrote dealt with masturbation, but it was actually the third topic I researched. All of my articles were written in a light-hearted manner concentrating more on what my friends had to say rather than the actual sexual component of the topic. I never got around to writing about that second topic I researched because it just got too serious and I let it die out for several years.
Months after finishing the original six articles I went back and started looking at this one topic to see if I could lighten it up a bit. When I was almost ready to give up on it I remembered something cute that had happened back in the mid-nineties while I was married:
One morning my wife and I were lying in bed listening to the radio. The morning show hosts, Mark and Brian, are wild guys and their program can go absolutely anywhere. This day, for whatever reason, they started talking about uncircumcised men. Women started calling in saying everything from they preferred them to they didn't care to one who said she was "afraid of it" because of the appearance.
At one point as we listened, Danielle mused, "You know, I don't think I've ever seen an uncircumcised man."
Now, we had been together for five years at that time and she had told me enough about her background that I knew she had been around the block a time or two and it seemed strange to me that she had never run into an uncircumcised man. Never one to pass up the chance to mess with someone, I took a roundabout route to what I wanted to ask her. "Uh, Dan, in the years we've lived together, how many times do you think you've had your head below my waist?"
She chuckled as she said, "Three hundred or so."
I was on my way to making a point so I didn't dispute what I thought was an inflated count. "And, of those, how many times was it daylight or the lights were on?"
She didn't hesitate, "Well, more than half. Call it two hundred times."
The payoff! "And," I said, "in those two hundred or so times, you never noticed that I'm not circumcised?"
"Uh, what?" she stammered, "What are you talking about?"
"I am not circumcised. Haven't you ever noticed that?"
I could have been embarrassed as she threw back the covers, crawled down on the bed and ... studied me ... then said, "Is that what they look like?" When she was done with her inspection she got up, pawed through a dresser drawer, and brought out several pictures. She showed them to me - they were pictures of a nude man in various poses; a couple of them close ups of him holding his member. "Is he circumcised?" she asked.
Naturally I wanted to ask why she had pictures of a nude man in her dresser, but I settled for merely saying, "Yes."
As I said, I resisted writing this for a long time because I wanted to research the topic first and all the medical and religious arguments made it just too serious. In order to address this issue properly let me get that boring stuff out of the way first.
During the Victorian times American (then Colonial) doctors came to the conclusion that masturbation caused various diseases including epilepsy, tuberculosis, and insanity. Hmm, how can we keep boys from masturbating? I know, let's chop it off! Um, on second thought that may not work. I know, let's just chop off the part that doesn't do anything. The Victorian doctors hadn't yet figured out that God put everything on us for a purpose. (Oh, except the appendix - we still haven't figured out why that thing is tucked in there.)
After all their heavy thinking they decided that cutting off the foreskin would keep boys from masturbating (yeah, we all know how well that worked), and routine circumcision soon became a common practice. Originated primarily in the United States, for maybe the first time, the U.S. led the way in something as routine circumcision spread to all the English-speaking countries of Canada, England, Australia, and New Zealand.
Curiously, none of those other countries now perform routine circumcision on the majority of their baby boys. Only the U.S. still performs circumcisions for non-religious reasons.
Which brings up the religious component. At one time circumcisions were performed by primarily only the Jewish. That has somehow spread to other religions even though there are specific and strict rules against circumcision in most religions. Some African and Middle Eastern Muslim countries still perform religious circumcision even though there is nothing in the Qur'an saying it is acceptable.
Neither does it appear to be a racial practice because continental Europe and most Asian countries do not practice it where the vast majority of men are intact.
As always, science can't give us straight answers in this case. Some medical researchers initially said that circumcision helps prevent urinary tract infection (UTI) and cervical cancer in women as well as penile cancer in men and the transmission of STDs. More recent medical studies have proven these claims to be either questionable or outright wrong. So much for science; if you want a certain opinion, conduct a number of studies and, sooner or later, you'll get the results you want.
One last thing before we get to the fun stuff. As soon as you hear the word circumcision you probably think only of men, but the First International Symposium on Circumcision was held in Anaheim, CA in 1989. As a result of it they released a declaration that stated, in part, "...anyone practicing genital mutilation is violating Article V of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. 'No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment.' "
Notice that this encompasses both male and female mutilation as there are some cultures where removal of a woman's labia (ouch) and/or clitoris (what a waste) is considered normal and acceptable. This is termed either female circumcision or genital mutilation depending on the culture and what is actually removed.
With all that out of the way, let's get to the answers my women friends gave me. I've mentioned that I've been surprised at how open these women were when talking about their sex lives and only once hit a brick wall - when I asked about their first sexual experience. I found that I was faced with the same wall here even though all of the women completed this questionnaire. Four had never had sex with an uncircumcised man and all four of them were willing to talk to me about it.
Let me start by saying I've never had a woman refuse to have sex with me because I'm not circumcised and the woman who called in to the radio show that morning surprised me when she said she was afraid of it. But the one who really shocked me was my friend Lonnie when she said that she "... has never been with an uncircumcised man and does not desire one in any way ewwwwwwwwwwwww."
Lonnie and I have known each other for about four years and love each other as friends, but we both admit there will never be anything sexual between us. Therefore, there is no way she could have known that she was stepping on my crank by saying that. I told her, "I can provide a list of women who think I'm pretty good in bed and my equipment works just fine, thank you very much."
She responded with, "I'm sorry my bad, didn't know you had a garage door he he he!"
I've never heard that term and thought it was cute, but went on and pressed some other questions on her. "Are you saying that if you found that a man was not circumcised you would refuse to have sex with him?"
"No, I was being funny ... I do kind of cringe though because I think it looks weird. I'm sure if I liked him I'd do him."
I had to know how she'd know ahead of time so I asked her, "if you met a guy and he asked you out on a date, would you ask him if he's circumcised before agreeing to go out with him?"
"No."
"If you go out on a date and you're sitting in the back seat of the car making out and you're both horny as hell, do you ask him then?"
"Nope, I find out while I'm giving him the best blow of his life."
"Then do you wait until you have your hand down where you can tell the difference?"
"That's when I'd find out, but maybe if he's erect you can't tell. Most of my dates are erect!"
"Aren't you even the slightest bit curious about what it would be like?"
"Actually I'm sure there isn't a difference as long as he is hygienic."
As for the others, Carrie, 36, married, Sandy, 23, single, and Jennie, 19, single they said they had never had sex with an uncircumcised man. When I asked why, they all said something to the effect that they just never ran into one. I asked all three if they would refuse to have sex with a man because he was uncircumcised and Jennie and Sandy jumped right in and said they'd be more than willing to try it. Carrie, because she was married, said, "Well, if Johnny and I ever broke up I'd be willing to try it."
Of the fourteen women who had been with both, their answers were mixed.
Only two said they noticed a difference in the feel of the man while he was inside her.
One said an uncircumcised penis felt better inside her.
Five said an uncircumcised penis was easier on entry.
All said there was no difference in their comfort once they were involved in the actual sex act. All of them also said they have never and would never refuse to have sex with a man because he was either circumcised or uncircumcised.
It seems that the other topics dealt with generalities and this one dealt with the physical sex act: how easily the man entered her, the feeling of a man entering her, the feeling once he was inside her, and her comfort while he was sliding in and out of her. Most of the women just weren't willing to talk about something so personal.
Yes, I know, the anal sex and masturbation topics dealt with some pretty personal things, but I'm dealing with women here - who knows how their minds work?
Only four of the others were willing to discuss it openly. Diane, 52, and Geri, 30 are both married and were willing to answer all my questions as were the single women, Kaitlan, 39, and Cathy, 45.
When I talked to these four women who had done it with both I showed them a study that said three things: With an intact penis entry was easier, sexual intercourse was more comfortable, and there were less problems with vaginal dryness.
Geri shocked me somewhat when she said, "Al, you're not going to believe this, but I don't feel any difference any time. I mean a dildo feels the same as a man's penis." She grinned and added, "But the dildo sometimes vibrates, which feels a lot better."
"So entry, the act, nothing makes any difference?"
"Nope."
So much for that scientific study.
I asked Kaitlan about it. "Which is easier on entry?"
"I'm not sure. You know the foreplay has a lot to do with whether I'm ready and I remember one guy who only spent a few seconds getting me ready and it was really rough for the first few minutes when we started doing it."
"And was he circumcised or not?"
"Not - no, wait he was - uh, I'm not sure. Oh, wait, he was because I remember comparing him to my boyfriend. Every once in a while my boyfriend and I would be kissing without any real foreplay and he'd just roll over on top of me and say something like, 'Fuck that foreplay stuff, I just need to be inside you.' And then he'd do it. He wasn't circumcised and he nearly always slid right in."
"Nearly always?"
She had to think before answering, "Well, I don't remember ever having a problem with him getting inside me."
I wanted to be careful about the next question, but finally just came out and asked, "Do you think he slid in so easily because he was small?"
She stared at me a few seconds and then cracked up. "Oh, Al, you are so far wrong. He wasn't quite the biggest I've ever had, but he was plenty big." (Note to self, let's try that biggest thing as a possible article.)
Diane summed things up after marking her questionnaire. "I prefer an uncircumcised man. When he first puts it in it's easier and feels better inside me. Once we're into it I really don't notice any difference. If I had to choose I'd choose not, but I won't refuse either one."
"Is Hank (her husband) circumcised?"
"Al, that's not something I'd tell you. Ask him yourself."
I didn't get around to asking until after the anal sex article when I had already found that he didn't like to talk about things like that, but I called him anyway. I was surprised when he answered, "No, I'm not." A pause and then, "This is twice you've asked personal questions. Please don't call again."
Kaitlan answered my one question with, "Dryness? No, the only time I have that problem is when we do it too long. Like, I've already had a climax or two and he just keeps doing it and doing it and I'm not into it anymore. Then, yeah I'll dry out, but that's why we keep a bottle of lubricant handy."
"Is that your current boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"Is he circumcised?"
She hesitated a long time before saying, "I'm not sure. We've only been together three months and I don't think I've noticed."
Thinking back to my experience with Danielle I asked, "Okay, so in those three months have you had your head below his waist when the lights were on?"
"Of course."
"And you didn't notice anything."
She looked confused for a second and then said, "Look, I'm pretty good getting a guy turned on and by the time I get down - you know - down there, we're both pretty excited and I've never thought about it."
That was twice I had heard that "never noticed" thing, first with Danielle and now with Kaitlan. I thought back to my time as a Marine when I spent many hours in a communal shower with other men. No, I never purposely looked, but I seem to remember noticing the various configurations of men's equipment. I seem to remember being able to tell the difference when the men were in the flaccid state.
Then there was the time I spent some months writing reviews of porn sites and my job REQUIRED me to surf porn sites. That led me to notice that, when erect, it was a crap-shoot to tell whether a man was circumcised or not. (On the plus side, it also was what let me find O&C.)
I mention all this just to explain why I accepted Kaitlan's explanation that she hadn't noticed.
After the Lousy Sex article Cathy and I started dating and, when I asked her about it, she said, "Yes, I've had both. I've really never noticed any difference." After a pause she added, "Maybe it's easier for an uncircumcised man to get into me. I'm really not sure." Sensing that I might be taking that the wrong way she added, "Okay, Al, the entry is easier when you and I are together."
Yes, I'm a man. Yes, I'm insecure. No, I did NOT ask the same question I asked Geri. To get your mind off me and my equipment, let's go on to the men's responses.
I tried using a questionnaire with the men, but it was too complicated so I merely explained what I was researching and just asked if they were circumcised and why. Ralph, 27 and Jim, 52 were the only two who said they were. Ralph answered the first question but refused to say anything else. Jim said he had no idea why his parents had it done.
George, 63, Bob, 56, and Kenny, 57 all said they were not circumcised. Bob and Kenny both said it was a religious thing.
Bob explained, "When I was born only the Jews were circumcised and we were Muslims. My dad wouldn't allow it even though the doctor recommended it."
Kenny said, "We were Christians and only the Jews did the circumcision thing."
George admitted he didn't know why his parents opted not to.
I next asked Ralph and Jim whether any woman had ever refused to have sex because they were circumcised: no comment from Ralph and Jim just said no woman had ever refused. George, Bob, and Kenny all said no woman had ever refused to have sex with them because they were not circumcised.
The final question on the sheet was, "Have you ever heard of female circumcision or genital mutilation?" Three women, Diane (the oldest), Jeri, and Jennie (the youngest), had heard of it, but never met a woman who had undergone it. The others had not. Of the men, Ralph, the youngest, had not heard of it and the others had, but none of those had ever met a woman who had experienced it.
So, once again, my "scientific" study has produced absolutely no conclusions and I'm thinking I need to find out if any of my friends have ever had threesomes.