Dear Aunt Chelsea,
In light of the recent public embarrassment of a well-known politician, my girlfriend and I got into a huge argument. She said she’d kill me if she ever found out I was patronizing a hooker. I never have, and I never plan to, but what she said next really got me riled up. She said that prostitution is not only immoral and disgusting, but abusive to women, and that there’s no reason why any man, anywhere, at any time, should ever see a prostitute. She thinks that everyone involved – the women and the johns – should be locked up in prison. That sounds way too harsh to me, and I told her so. Isn’t hooking up with hookers kind of a normal thing that guys do? Like I told my girlfriend, if the guy isn’t married and isn’t sneaking around, who’s he really hurting, except his wallet? There have to be some working girls who aren’t abused and exploited. I mean, it is a choice that some women make, right? Or am I way off base here?
Signed,
Getting the Cold Shoulder
Dear Cold Shoulder,
First off, let me say that I feel your pain. I’ve never understood the cold shoulder. Though I’m an unrepentant truth-teller, I’d rather give up my side of the argument and have sex with a guy who thinks he’s right than put myself through withdrawal. (You tell me, ladies: does it work for you?)
But about your main point, I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with Ms. Frosty, at least partially. The problem of women being forced or coerced into prostitution is a real one. The U.S. State Department estimates that 800,000 people are victims of international human trafficking each year. Most of these people are female, and about half of them are minors, with meaning that girls as young as ten being sexually exploited. (You can read the State Department report here.)
Even local prostitutes may feel forced or pressured into prostitution because of abusive relationships, drug problems, homelessness, etc. Sexual abuse and exploitation of girls and women is a real problem, and when looked at from this point of view, prostitution is far from a victimless crime.
Of course, if prostitution were legalized and regulated (as it is in Nevada), some would argue that this would reduce the demand for illegal human trafficking. This is an issue you can take up with your legislators.
I’m sure that somewhere there are some happy hookers who make the choice freely. Let’s say that a single guy – as you say, Cold Shoulder, a guy who’s not married and not cheating on his girlfriend, or a guy who has his significant other’s blessings to go screw around – runs across one of these best-case-scenario prostitutes. In that case, I think throwing both the man and the woman in jail does seem unnecessarily harsh. After all, he’s contributing to the local economy, and she’s providing a useful service. I do think that every human being has a need for affection, approval, and physical contact, and for men (or women) who aren’t in a relationship and have a real need for that contact, hiring a prostitute is understandable. I don’t know if I’d call it normal, but it’s understandable. In that regard, Cold Shoulder, I don’t think you’re way off base. I’m not sure if that will help you get out of the doghouse with your girl or not, though.
Remember that having sexual contact with someone who has multiple partners puts you at a great risk for sexually transmitted infections. If you are going to engage in high-risk sexual behavior, be smart about it and always, ALWAYS use safer-sex practices.
Signed,
Aunt Chelsea
P.S. The U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services operates a campaign to help the victims of human trafficking. You can learn more at http://www.acf.hhs.gov/trafficking/rescue_restore/index.html.
Originally published April, 2008