Dear Dr. Dick,
I’m 34 and single. After 15 years of unsuccessful dating, and searching for the right guy to marry and raise a family with, I decided to go it alone. I’m 2 months pregnant through artificial insemination. You’ll love this; the donor is my best gay pal. I am absolutely delighted and cherish the thought of finally being a mother. While a lot of the guys I’ve been dating aren’t father material, they are great sex and I want to continue to enjoy their company. I gather that it’s safe to have sex during pregnancy. But is there anything I should avoid? Are there specific sexual positions that better suit a mommy-to-be like me?
- Marion, NYC
Marion,
Hey, congratulations on the bun in the oven, darlin’. And how true about some men being great in the sack, but not desirable husband and/or father material. I know several gay men who have helped out a long-suffering straight and lesbian friends with the whole breeding thing. Us “mos” are so selfless in that regard.
It’s difficult to find accurate and unambiguous information about sex during pregnancy that doesn’t have a decidedly sex-negative bias to it. For the most part, our culture promotes the message that sex is primarily for procreation. Why then would any responsible mother to be continue to have sex if she’s already knocked up? You can see where a lot of the misconceptions, misinformation, and scare tactics come from, huh?
So let’s see if we can shed some light on this for ya. As a pregnancy advances, the fertilized egg grows into an embryo and then into a fetus. The fetus is encased in and protected by the amniotic cavity. This provides the fetus nourishment and protects it from infections. A thick layer of mucus seals the cervix further isolating the fetus in the mother’s uterus.
If you’re having a normal pregnancy, as do most women, then there is no reason to alter your sex life during your pregnancy. Since this is your first, you’ll not know this, but a woman who has a history of premature birth may be advised by her physician to abstain from partnered sex during the last three months of pregnancy. In the same way, a woman with a history of miscarriage will probably be advised to avoid partnered sex in the first trimester. Only women with high-risk pregnancies might be advised to avoid sex for the full term of the pregnancy.
Nature provides all protection the fetus needs in its mother’s uterus. So you don’t need to worry about semen or vaginal fluids coming into contact with the baby. And the mucus seal on your cervix does not allow a penis to come in direct contact with the fetus either. Which dispels several misconceptions right there, don’t cha know.
In terms of pregnancy related sex, I suspect that your libido will probably play a more determining role in your availability for sex than you capacity to have sex. Your libido will no doubt fluctuate during your pregnancy, which may have a lot to do with hormonal fluctuations. Increased blood circulation in your pelvic region will heighten sensations, but you may find your body feels too heavy to fully enjoy sex. Most men will love your bigger tits and fuller hips, but sometimes an overriding concern to avoid any exertion on the uterus or in the vagina makes partnered sex too cumbersome.
Sex during pregnancy, like sex after menopause, is free of worry about contraception, which makes sex more enjoyable for some. While others are too busy anticipating the new addition to be much interested in sex at all.
In terms of sexual positions, you’re gonna be the best judge of that. No position is automatically ruled out, but as your pregnancy progresses you’ll find some positions, like the missionary position, will be uncomfortable. One of the best positions might be the woman on top position. Sometimes known as the Cowgirl position. This position takes all of the pressure off of the woman’s abdomen, and also allows her to control the speed and the depth of thrusting.
And if you are a fan of anal sex; that will continue to be a terrific option throughout your pregnancy, particularly doggie style. Some pregnant women claim that butt fucking actually helps soothe their pregnancy induced hemorrhoids. In your final weeks mutual masturbation may be the easiest option as well as the most satisfying sexual outlet.
Good Luck ya’ll!
Originally published September, 2008