Dear D.,
Our culture’s
obsession with big, perky, zeppelin-like boobs is just the latest trend in
“beauty.” An investigation into any feminist text will tell you that altering
our breasts to fit into the beauty dogma is just another way for men to control
and dominate women. I don’t believe in the simplistic views of men vs. women, as
I think that men are often as much victims of our cultural dysfunctions as
women are. However, it is inarguable that women go through great, and
often painful, procedures to adhere to the prescribed beauty regimen.
Beauty
definitions and standards change from era to era and culture to culture. For example, in the 1920s, women in the United States bound their breasts so
they could wear flapper dresses and embrace the square, boyish figure that was
desirable at the time. Even today, we have many conflicting beauty standards:
from rail-thin models with no breasts at all, to porn stars with gigantic tits,
narrow waists, and round butts.
It is truly a travesty when a woman can’t enjoy
her own sexuality because of body insecurities. The fact that you consider your
breasts to be a “deformity” saddens me. Unfortunately, I can’t honestly
recommend going under the knife and enduring all the dangers of breast
augmentation simply to adhere to today’s crazy beauty standards. That said, I do have friends who have undertaken this
drastic procedure and have come out of it with a lot more confidence and re-invigorated sex drives.
As you already suggested, you really have two options: get over it, or go through with it.
Although I
think “getting over” your body image issues is easier said than done, something you could try before electing the surgery is positive affirmation
techniques.
• Try posting a note on your mirror reminding
yourself that you are beautiful, intelligent, and worthwhile.
• When you catch
yourself thinking bad things about yourself, try replacing the thought with
something positive, instead of “my boobs are deformed,” think “my breasts are
beautiful and they nurtured my wonderful daughters.”
I recommend spending a
year trying to work on this issue from the inside out. You should also push
your limits and try having sex fully nude and with the lights on! See how nice
it feels, and notice when your partner doesn’t run away from the sight of your
less than perky boobs. I assure you, your perception of your breasts probably
doesn’t match his.
During this
year of introspection, you can elect to save money for the augmentation. Those
silicone bags are expensive at $6000 or more. You should also research your
options; for instance you may be a better candidate for a lift than an implant,
or a saline instead of a silicone implant. Make sure that you are fully aware of the risks and of the commitment that this procedure entails.
And if you do succeed in surmounting your body image issues without the augmentation, think
of what fun it will be to use the money to treat you and your girls to an
exotic vacation!
Whatever you
decide to do, I wish you the best.
xxoo
Jordan
Originally published August 2009