An Erotic Essay on the Female Orgasm
"The Climax," by Al Harrington
It is only fitting that my final foray into erotica should deal with that most elusive and misunderstood thing – the female climax. I’m not going to get technical and discuss clitoral, physical, G-spot, and psychological climaxes. I’m going to merely relate a few anecdotes, and ask you some questions.
When I was twenty I spent some time with an older woman (she was 25), and she once told me she had never in her life had a climax. Not during sex, not while masturbating, she just never had one. She said she enjoyed sex and I guess she did because we had both oral and vaginal intercourse regularly.
I once had a girlfriend who claimed she had never watched a porn movie, but when we had sex – wow! She could have given lessons to porn stars. She would swear and, at the height of it, say something like, “Fuck, yes, now, oh, fuck, do it, fuck, oh, yes!”
Perfect Timing, by Mick Payton
Another made no noise at all while we did it until she had her moment and then she squeaked, very loudly, three or four times, and then collapsed on the bed, exhausted.
One woman told me that she could always bring herself to an orgasm, but men rarely could. She also said that when she did manage to climax with a man it was a lot stronger and more emotional than when she was taking care of herself.
Another lover could not climax unless she was fucking. Hands, tongue, vibrator – none of them did anything for her. She had to have a man’s cock moving in and out of her to bring her to an orgasm. Strangely enough, it could be either her pussy or her ass.
With all the differences among women, how is a man supposed to know whether he has done his job? I guess it’s a pretty good indicator if his partner is willing to have a rematch, but it would be nice to know for sure.
Many women have admitted to having faked an orgasm, and I remember Diane telling me that she did it with most men she was with for any length of time. When I asked why, she said, “Men are babies. They have to have some proof that they’re manly. If a girl doesn’t have a big “O” they feel they’ve failed. We have to do it to make them feel good.”
So, it comes back to the question of: How a man is to know?
As part of the answer, I’ll reflect on something an acquaintance told me during my research period. Asked about lousy sex, Fran told me, “There is one thing a man can do that is such a turn-off that I’ll never let him near me again. Just six months ago, I dated a guy for three months before deciding to sleep with him. When we did it was okay, nothing special, but okay, and I had almost decided to do it again when he looked over and, with no preamble, just said, ‘So, did you climax?’ I wanted to hit him. I absolutely hate it when a man asks me that and it ruined the mood of the whole night. And put an early end to it.”
That means we’re not supposed to ask, but presents a problem for me because there have been many times when I had no idea whether my partner did or not.
As a follow-up in the original article I went back to Camille and asked her about that. She actually laughed and explained, “I have never had to worry about that. I make sure I get what I need when I have sex. And when I climax the guy will definitely know it. In fact, I think all the neighbors in my apartment complex know when I have a climax. I’m VERY vocal about it.”
I keep going back to Danielle, my last wife. In an earlier article, I explained that our first sexual encounter happened one night when we sat in her car and made out, right outside the apartment she shared with her boyfriend of the time. She let me get my hand between her legs and after twenty minutes of that, she had a climax and then said, “Your turn.” From that comment I assumed she had just climaxed as she had been moaning softly while we kissed and I used my fingers on and in her. She started jerking her hips and then her whole body tightened up for just a few seconds, and then relaxed. Over the years I was to find that to be her way of climaxing. When I was using my tongue or fingers to pleasure her, I could almost always tell when she had an orgasm, but during sex?
She was one of those women who rarely made any noise during sex. A light moan, occasionally, but not much more. During actual intercourse, I never knew when she climaxed or even if she did. I also knew I wasn’t supposed to ask a woman about that, but I really wanted to know. It was four or five months into our relationship and we had already had sex over a hundred times and I still had no idea whether I had managed to give her an orgasm in any of those times. Yes, I’ve read the studies saying that a woman’s toes curl and her nipples become more erect during an orgasm (the same thing is supposed to happen for a man), but I never noticed it happening with her. One afternoon as we were lying there afterward, I asked, “Did you get what you needed?” I was, obviously, hoping she would understand what I was asking.
She got a strange look on her face and asked, “You couldn’t tell when I climaxed?”
“Uh, no, I never know what’s going on with you.”
“Silly, I had seven of them this time.”
That reminded me of the mid-eighties, when I heard a term that was new to me. One of my female co-workers was telling us about going to a concert and relating what had happened. At one point she said that the lead singer was, “... such an M.O.” None of us understood until she explained that that she was referring to “multiple orgasms.” Over the years I have accepted the fact that some women I’ve been with have had a climax during sex, some haven’t, and some have had two or three… or seven.
Kaitlan had once told me, “If I can feel close to the man, I can enjoy the sex, even if I don’t climax every time.”
Danielle was the same way in that, occasionally, one of us would just say, “You want to fuck?” and we’d do it. It might only last two or three minutes and I know she didn’t climax, but she always said she enjoyed being with me.
Ladies, all of this was just to let you know that we men are really dumb when it comes to your responses to our attempts at pleasing you. Unless you say or do something to let us know, we have no idea whether you’ve climaxed or not and, and moreover, we don’t know whether you enjoyed what we just did to you. Yes, there are those men who are only interested in taking care of themselves, but the majority of us actually want you to enjoy what we’re doing.
Having aroused my curiosity, I have to ask you ladies some questions. Do you have to climax during sex to enjoy it? Do you regularly climax during sex? Do you have more than one climax during sex? If you do, is each one more intense than the last or are they all about the same? When you climax, do you let your partner know? Do you shout, scream, pant, curse, or do anything else vocal when you climax? When you’re having sex with a man, do you make sure you get what you need out of it? Is there a difference between a climax with a man and one when you’re taking care of yourself? Have you noticed a difference in the levels or types of orgasms you’ve had?
Originally published November 2009
