Does the size of a man's penis really matter?
Every day, my inbox gets flooded with emails from individuals concerned about the size of my penis. (So as not to confuse you, I am female, and thus I don't have a penis of my own, but these concerned citizens apparently don't realize this.) They offer me pills and pumps and prosthetics and penile enhancements all to make me go from 2 inches to 5 inches or maybe even from a reasonable 6 inches to a frankendickish 12. This has me wondering about our society's crazy obsession with the size of our men's penises! It's almost as daunting as our society's tireless obsession with diets and weight-loss and breast size and the roundness of our precious woman bootys (as rhymed in nearly every single rap song on the radio). And don't get me started on sun-tans because as a fair-skinned redhead I have missed that boat entirely.
So I began to wonder if there is something to this size obsession. To be fair, I'm going to give you insight into my personal penis preferences. I've been with a decent number of men, and I've seen penises of an astounding variety of shapes, sizes and colors. I am a woman who appreciates a lover who knows how to manipulate me with his hands and his tongue and his imagination; but I will admit that I love the penis above all else as an instrument of pleasure, and there is a penis out there that's perfect for me.
Unfortunately I think my penis preference has become more of an expectation that I acquired after a fairly long relationship with a man who I still consider to be the best lover I've ever had. My ideal lover happened to be somewhat on the large side with 8 inches in length and a very healthy, hefty girth. I loved the weight of it, I loved the jaw-breaking challenge of swallowing him whole, and I loved the almost unbearable pleasure-pain of those first dozen strokes. But along with this great cock, he was an undeniably gifted lover who, using his tongue, finger, toys, and dick, never failed to bring me to orgasm -- sometimes as many as 15 or more times during a single sexual session (I would lose count). He also had the stamina that I so adore, and the ability to make a whole day of making love and fucking and sucking and living in the transcendent state of carnal bliss.
Since our parting I've searched many boxers, briefs, and yes even some bikinis to find a man that would measure up. When I say measure up I don't mean penis size only, I mean measure up as a lover. I met a man who was endowed with nearly 10 inches attached to the most gorgeous muscular body I've ever seen; but he was a lazy lover thinking himself a prize that needn't do any more to turn me on than just lay there looking hot (and in reality he was too long for my body and would bump uncomfortably into my cervix as he pounded away). One man was tall and sinewy with a slender pink dick to match, he pleased me as he nestled his straight lines into the curves of my round bottom. Another was quite average in size but with beautiful cocoa skin who gave me emotional satisfaction that translated into orgasmic sensations even in the most generic of positions. Another black as night curved downward and about 7 inches long it reached me in the most unusual ways, causing me to cry out in ecstasy with the novelty of it all. But throughout each of these delightful experiences, still a part of me craved my lost perfect, penis with matching perfect lover (but unfortunately very imperfect character). I know this is a kind of sad state for me to be in, and it seems after a year I should be over it by now. Perhaps this is a part of my healing process, laying this out for you all to read. Don't judge too harshly now.
Knowing that my viewpoint on the matter of penis size is a bit biased by my unwavering attachment to my former lover's body part, I decided to canvas our sexually savvy readers and writers to find out their opinions on the subject.
Does size matter?
I received innumerable responses and couldn't help but publish quite a few to share with you. But even with such a variety of responses I learned a few critical points:
1. Yes, size matters but that doesn't always mean bigger is better.
2. However, size isn't the only thing. Our readers brought up a whole pile of other features to take into consideration including length, girth, angle of the dangle, hygiene, circumcision, and more.
3. Above all, there is no reason for a man to obsess over the size of his penis. It seems to me that the ultimate response here is that each woman has her own idea of penis perfection. It's a matter of sexual compatibility between two unique individuals.
That said here is a selection of our reader's responses:
"I, personally, feel penis size doesn't matter if the partners feel they are paired sexually. By paired, I mean if the size fits and feels good, use it all ways. As I do believe that it's not always the size of the "ship" in the ocean -- it's the motion in the ocean and how the "ship" is maneuvered. If some men continue to "slam bam" (rush) through the "waters" then I can see where there's a problem with the satisfaction of the ride. Love making is an art, not a size. Some of our greatest work of art comes in small "packages" and can still excite the beholder."
"In terms of pleasure and sex appeal, size does matter...There are some people who simply are turned on by seeing a large penis...seeing someone who is well-endowed is similar to hearing someone who sings exceptionally well or dances well... it is not the norm and so you are attracted to that which is unique."
"We spend so much time obsessing over it. Men in particular question their value as humans at times based upon the measurement of a ruler vs. the measurement of the character and values. Interesting value system...More time should be spent loving self and total acceptance of self and not wasted time and emotion with such meaningless and temporal things as dick size."
"Sensitivity (of the penis) is much more important to me than appearance or size. I love getting that response from a touch, a lick or just a warm breath (or a cool one!)"
"When I was first seeing woman sexually I went with girl who started a rumor about me being 'Small', I am average but it screwed my head up for years. I went into a long term thing with another girl who rarely wanted sex from me so the hang up continued. After becoming single again I found a new confidence and started seeing quite a few women for sex only, I never got a single complaint from any of them - in fact, a few asked for a latex cast that they could use on themselves as i was so far away. I started to feel a lot better about myself and the final test was last weekend when I helped out a DJ who was working at a swingers club. A man asked me to fuck his wife with him so I nervously agreed. This was the ultimate test - sex with another man present. And as irony had it, he had a huge cock! We took turns in having sex with his woman or being sucked and i noticed that when I was penetrating her, she squealed a lot louder and really got into it! A good time was had by all, needless to say I am a lot more comfortable, if not proud of my old chap. What more proof do you need than this about Size?"
"Of course size matters but so many things matter more.
In my vast experience I've found that guys with average sized dicks have done a great job of perfecting the skill of pussy-eating, have discovered how to get to my g-spot, and are generally very much inclined to provide pleasure before the dick gets into the action.
Then there's the guy with the dick that is just too big, who in certain positions (pretty much anything from behind) hurts like hell. Come to think of it, he was a pretty fine pussy eater too, so I kept him around for a while, but made sure I was on top when we fucked."
"What really matters to me is where it makes contact. In other words, I need a man who bends to the left, that's the guy that rubs me the right way!"
"Recently I watched Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson's sex tape. I'm pained to report their sex life was pathetic. For those of you who haven't seen it, Tommy Lee has a very long penis. During sex, he was only able to insert it about halfway into Pamela Anderson's vagina. The poor young woman never had an orgasm throughout the whole movie. Those are the sad consequences of an ill fit."
"You can always tell if a guy's a leftie or a rightie. Some dangles just don't fit. They bend in the wrong direction. They don't give any clit action at all. I think straight is the best bet, or bent slightly upwards. Dunno, maybe dudes could think on that when they're jerking off. Change hands or something, equal opportunity. Surprise yourself."
"To me size DOES matter. But so does shape and angle of the erection. Here's why: My gspot is located on the left side of my vagina, deeper than one might expect. When I've been with lovers whose penises curve up and to the right, who are about 7 to 8 inches long with about a 2-2.5 inch diameter, I am able to have g-spot orgasms that make me squirt. My boyfriend's penis is this exact size, and he almost always makes me cum, and several times, during intercourse."
"There was a lovely guy I saw for a while, whose incredible height was reflected in his mega-huge dick. Just the sight of it was terrifying. However, I don't shy away from such a challenge easily, and after my initial, 'Oh my God- reaction', I took a deep breath and tackled his tackle.
How good can a fuck be though, when, after a heap of manoeuvring, you finally get this magnificent specimen between your legs, (ignoring for a minute the fact that you feel you might be physically split open any minute), when the shag of your life is interrupted by your lover shouting, 'Just Say When!' So obviously, when it came to anal I just dismissed it as too eye watering to even contemplate! This just leaves the blow job. How can you relax into giving fantastic oral when you fear you might black out from lack of oxygen half way through?
Then there was the little guy. Not that he was short or anything, but his teeny dick just hadn't grown with the rest of him. He had these boxers which an ex-girlfriend had thoughtfully (?) given him with, "Little Choppers Beat the Whoppers" written on them. All I can say is, although he knew what he was doing, I always felt that there was room for a friend as well.
So, does size matter? Yes it does. Middle sized that's the thing; not too big and not too small. As long as he knows what he's doing, then Mr Average is, for me, Mr Perfect."
"It's the ultimate insult for a man to be told by a woman that you are 'below average' in the middle of an argument or end of a relationship. It's the last piece of ammunition a woman could throw at you. Please pass me the mansize tissues I think I am going to cry."
"Hell, yes, it matters. Sorry, gentlemen, but it's true. Part of the beauty and joy of sex is the intimate feeling of being penetrated, stretched, and filled. Having your body adjust and welcome another person. If the size isn't there the satisfaction isn't there. It is much less thrilling to be wondering if it's all the way in or if that's as big as it gets! Would I turn down a man because of his size? No. Would I go back for seconds if he was seriously lacking? No."
"Yes, size matters to me. Brain size...but cock size? Never. I seldom have penetrative orgasms, mine are clitoral and cerebral.
What matters is the lead up, his seductive words making me wet and excited as he persuades me to go to bed with him, the slow slide of his hands on my body, the firelick of tongue over my clit, the gentle caress of his fingers teasing my lower lips."
For more on the penis size question read this month's Book of Joe column!
Originally published March 2006 - "Straight Lines and Sexy Curves"