Dear Jordan,
I'm really interested in this guy who works out at my gym, but I haven't gotten the courage to talk to him. I think he's probably way out of my league, and I'm scared if I approach him he'll think I'm some kind of slut. But he's so cute and since I noticed him I've lost 10 pounds because I'm at the gym every day just to watch his hot body, (and I'm burning more calories at home thinking about him too). What can I do to get his attention?
Muscle Bound
Dear M.B.,
It sounds like you need a little lesson in Flirting 101. You've come to the right place. Let's clarify a few things for you so that you can land the man of your dreams (or at least have a conversation with him and decide whether or not he's worth pining away after).
- Confidence is a Must
You said "I think he's probably way out of my league". This statement tells me that you need a little confidence boost. Confidence is an amazingly beneficial quality to have because it can make an average looking woman appear to be a sexy vixen. You don't have to look like a model to flirt with a sexy guy; as long as you approach him with a smile on your face, and a calm, confident demeanor, your chances of a successful flirt are much higher. So first things first, stop thinking of him as being "out of your league". He is after all only human. Take a moment to assess your confidence, and if you don't feel ready to flirt with your super-crush try out the following techniques on a guy that doesn't put you in as much of a dizzy spell first, and once you see how easy it is, go for the big game. (Oh and by the way, you probably look really awesome spending all that time in the gym! You go girl!)
- Approach Him First
You said "I'm scared if I approach him, he'll think I'm some kind of a slut". A lot of women share this misconception. They think that a man won't be interested in a woman who makes the first move. This is absolutely untrue (except for in some rare instances with super macho type guys, but who wants those players anyway). The only reason he would perceive you as a slut, is if you approach him wearing a negligee and thong and ask him for a fuck - save this for the third date if you must. But if you approach him in a friendly, non-aggressive and smiling way, he'll be thrilled that a woman is making a move on him. That much easier for him! Who knows, maybe he's been checking you out all this time too!
- Break the Ice
This is easier than you might think. All you need to do is approach him with a compliment. (Men eat up compliments like candy - or meat and potatoes as the case may be). Say something like "cool shoes!" Since you are at the gym you can follow this up with a casual comment like, "are they good for running?" Another great line at the gym is "can you show me how this machine works?" This is a compliment because it suggests you think he knows how to use the equipment, and it will give you the opportunity to really get a conversation rolling while he teaches you how to work the leg press. Tip - don't compliment his butt, chest, or stomach as this is a little too up close and personal for the first encounter and could cause a little bit of embarrassment.
- Find out if he's single.
I always do this with an offhand, seemingly disinterested comment. For example "does your girlfriend go to this gym too?" or "I hope your girlfriend won't mind that you're helping me with this machine, I really appreciate it." He'll immediately respond with a laugh and an "I don't have a girlfriend." (YES!) or a bashful "yeah, she might be a little jealous." If he's taken, thank him for his help and bow out ASAP. If he's not, continue on, you flirt!
- Ask him out!
If things are going well and he seems comfortable talking to you, ask him if he'd like to go out for Jamba Juice sometime. If he says yes, ask him for his business card. If he backs off, just say confidently, "I didn't mean like a date, but just as friends". This will take the pressure off of you straight away. Tip - don't ask him for a dinner date, or out to the bar, this is presumptuous and a little too forward, if he likes you enough he'll upgrade your date later.
- Call Him Later.
If he gives you his number, don't call him right away. Wait at least three days to build up the anticipation (four is even better!). This way you won't look desperate, and you will look confident. When you do call him, he should be excited to hear from you and ask you out. If he isn't and doesn't, he's not that interested in you, and it's time to move on.
I love playing the flirting game; it really is a lot of fun. You'll discover the more often you try it, the easier it gets. Who knows? Maybe Mr. Gymrat will end up falling madly in love with you; or maybe he won't and you can try this simple technique out on another mysterious stranger in the future. Either way, you can't lose. Go get him, and tell us how it went!
Good luck!
Jordan
Other Resources:
Originally published November 2006 - "Simply Sexy"