“You would run a mile if she so much as looked at you,” Serena said.
She was right of course. At 45 I was rather old to have a crush on someone, especially someone who I hadn’t even spoken to; and I was definitely too scared to initiate anything. Impulse is inversely proportional to age. But I’m stubborn and had to defend my honor so I protested, “No, I wouldn’t! I’d invite her to the movies and then seduce her in the back row.”
“OK, there are two things seriously wrong with that statement, love: firstly, NO ONE goes on a date to the movies these days, you really need to update your fantasies; and secondly, the last movie you went to see was Kung Fu Panda – you also need to update your taste in movies!” Serena continued filing her nails.
I scowled at her, then poked my tongue out, just to show her how mature I am.
“That’s more like it,” she said. “Find a good use for that and you won’t be so frustrated.” She smiled at me, all innocent.
“So what would you do?” I asked her.
“Well,” she turned around to face me. “I’d sashay over to her at the bus stop, smile and then light up a cigarette.”
“I don’t know how to sashay and I don’t smoke,” I said.
“You need to smoke, it’s the best way to appear immediately seductive – you know, the femme fatale approach? So, then you turn to her and offer her a cigarette,” Serena continued.
“What if she doesn’t smoke?” I asked.
“You mean you’ve been ogling this woman…”
“I don’t ogle!”
“.... every day for two months now and you still don’t know if she smokes?” Serena raised her eyes to Heaven. “I give up. I hereby quit as your lust advisor, the pay is lousy and I’m very doubtful of the potential for results.”
I watched Serena retreat to her room to complete her preparations for her night out on the town. I sighed. I had been single for nearly five months now, and orgasm-less for about a year. The final six months of my last relationship had been very dry.
“I’ve probably forgotten what to do, even if I could find anyone to do it with,” I thought.
I envied Serena’s ease with relationships. No one was allowed to stick around for long but they always remained friends after the break up, and some were even allowed a brief return to the fold of her embrace, on nights when there was a lack of new blood on the dance floor.
For me, one kiss and I was ready to commit for life. Women smelled this and ran away screaming. I was the opposite of a babe magnet. I needed to be more casual, relax. Flirt a little, just for the fun of it and nothing else.
After Serena left the apartment, I booted up my laptop to surf for some entertainment—add to my blog, chat to some distant relatives—my usual Saturday night in other words, trying to stave off brain death. My problem is that I‘m boring—who I am is boring; I do boring things. I decided to change by creating a new me. I started to look for a virtual world in which I could create and play around as my new ‘self’, experiment with names, hair styles and occupations. Now, there are some pretty amazing virtual worlds to choose from and I had no idea where to start, so I just dove in to one of the highest ranking from my Google search.
I spent about thirty minutes setting up my avatar. There were some interesting choices available and I went for the most un-me combination I could find. Finally, I was ready to enter the world. Meet Umi: female; short dark hair; tall but not slim, more rounded; double D breasts; dressed in knee-high black leather boots, black thong, black leather bra, nothing else; wearing red lipstick and a knowing smile. I was mildly turned on by myself and clicked to enter this new world.
I looked around and saw a street with many neon flashing signs. People walked past and stared at me, one man tried to chat me up and invited me to the nearest bar, but I politely declined. I wanted a hot woman, not a raincoat-clad weirdo.
I strolled along the street, my gaze following any woman that passed—dark-skinned beauties wearing miniscule red, satin dresses, bare-chested men with impossibly bulging leather trousers, one man led a young girl along on a leash attached to a thick studded collar. Then I saw the sign I had been looking for: Live Lesbian Sex. In reality I‘d be too embarrassed or disgusted to visit such a place, but Umi wasn’t. She strode straight in through the doors.
I could feel all eyes peering out of the gloom at Umi. She headed over to the blue-lit bar and waited. Then the chat started.
Hello gorgeous, wanna play?
A red haired woman swished a riding crop at Umi, almost caressing her bare behind. Umi, reached up to touch the woman’s face and the riding crop swished again, harder this time. Umi turned and placed both hands on the bar top, offering her ass to the woman again.
That’s good.
The woman beat down on Umi several times without pausing, hard and accurate strokes. Several other clients gathered around to watch. A man unzipped his jeans, slid his hand inside and pulled on his thick dick slowly, staring at Umi. A belly dancer simmered and shook, her tassled breasts pulsing with the beat of the crop strokes.
Nice ass!
Can I fuck you later?
I want to suck your nipples.
The chat was arriving in almost too quickly for me to reply. Plus I was seriously turned on now. Umi said:
Thanks, I’ll catch you later.
She stood upright, her ass shining red and turned to watch the show in the centre of the floor. A striking, athletic blonde woman was stretched back across a table, her legs spread wide, her arms held firm by a dark-skinned, uniformed woman. Two figures of indeterminate gender sucked eagerly at the blonde’s breasts while a third, sporting an enormous purple dildo, thrust deeply inside her. Umi touched herself.
The blonde thrashed and bucked but the uniformed woman held fast and bent her head down to kiss her, almost devouring her. The dildo-wearer pounded faster and faster and another figure came up behind the dildo-wearer, reaching into her panties to stroke her. Umi watched as this latest arrival created a fist from her right hand and rubbed through the dildo-wearer’s crotch, then entered her.
Wanna join in?
Umi shook her head and continued watching as the blonde and the dildo-wearer approached simultaneous orgasm – the table almost a blur of flesh quivering and heaving. A new figure approached Umi and took her hand to lead her to another stage. Here a woman was shackled to a center post, facing outwards.
I’m Virgo and this is Lianna. Lianna wants you.
Virgo stepped to one side. Umi nodded and knelt in front of Lianna, tongue extended, hands clasping the woman’s ass cheeks.
Ooooh, yeah, that’s good.
Lianna purred. Umi concentrated on circling the woman’s clit, sucking and brushing with a gentle rhythm. Lianna strained against her shackles. Umi varied the speed, tantalizing her by slowing down then speeding up again, moving her mouth from one side of her clit to the other and then taking it fully in her mouth and sucking hard. Umi wanted to control this woman and make her beg. She slowed right down.
Oh God, don’t stop now, please.
Lianna pleaded. Umi inserted three fingers into Lianna’s vagina and sucked and nibbled on her clit. Lianna exploded into orgasm, shuddering violently.
Your turn now.
Lianna said this, as Virgo looked expectantly at Umi.
How do you like it?
She asked. Umi answered:
I want Lianna to suck me as you take me from behind with your dildo.
Virgo strapped on a moderate-sized shiny black dildo with a thick base. Umi leant forward against the pole to which Lianna was still shackled. Lianna shimmied down so her mouth was at Umi’s crotch. Virgo removed Umi’s thong.
So honey, how long does it take you to come?
Virgo whispered into Umi’s ear.
About 30 seconds!
Umi answered, already writhing in anticipation. Lianna pressed her face into Umi’s crotch and licked.
Wow, you’re so wet already.
She said, burying her face further in.
Jesus! Umi was in heaven, Lianna licked and sucked alternately and Virgo penetrated her deeply from behind, her hands firmly on Umi’s hips as she pushed in and pulled almost the full way out before thrusting all the way in again.
I couldn’t contain myself any longer and left the laptop to find my vibrator. I ripped off my jeans, moved my knickers to one side, lay back on the bed and thrust the vibrator inside myself at full power whilst rubbing my clit fiercely. I was so wet already I could feel it seeping under my backside and soaking the sheet beneath me. I came almost immediately, a huge rush so strong I yelled out, “Jesus, Umi” and fell back panting, as the aftershocks gradually subsided.
I went back to the laptop, still only in my knickers and t-shirt. The scene had changed, I guess Lianna and Virgo had moved on already. And we didn’t even exchange numbers, I thought. I let Umi cruise around for a while longer before I logged off, yawning.
The next morning Serena regaled me with tales of drunken debauchery down on the beach with a woman we had both thought was straight.
“Did you get up to anything interesting last night?” she asked. “Or was it another boring evening in front of the TV?”
I smiled. “I met a woman called Umi,” I replied. Serena looked at me inquiringly.
“Well, she has an interesting name anyway. Are you seeing her again?” she asked.
“I think I might, we had such a good time,” I said, trying not to laugh.
“What about your soulmate at the bus stop?”
“I think I’ll chat to her tomorrow—you never know, I might spend some time with her too,” I said.
“Well, this Umi, whoever she is, has done you some good. I don’t see the removal van outside. Are you sure you’re feeling OK?”
“I’ve decided to relax, be cool and update my fantasies!” I replied.
Originally published December 2008